What Do You Really Want?

What do you really want?

Hello lovelies!  How are you all doing this week?

Last week I talked to you a bit about where your fire might have gone out and encouraged you to think about where precisely you think your light had dwindled.  

This week I want to take some time to talk through a subject that can sometimes be a bit tricky for women.  And that is figuring out exactly what you want and stating it out loud.  

Sounds simple right?! But you’d be surprised how difficult it is to get really specific on what it is that you desire and name it.  

Reason being that living in our truth is harder for women because of the social conditioning that we experience throughout our lives.  We’re not taught to ask for what we want as children and young women in case we’re seen as being bossy. 

We’re not taught to ask for what we want sexually because we dont want to come across as being too forward.  We’re given underlying messages our whole lives about being a good girl and about what the beauty industry and fashion magazines think that we should want!  

When we step outside the parameters set for us, it’s never an easy road and no one wants to be seen as being a Veruca Salt!

For anyone who might be wondering who Veruca is, she’s the young girl in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory who says ‘Daddy, I want a squirrel.  Get me one of those squirrels.  I want one!’ and refuses to take no for an answer.  

If you’ve seen the movie, you’ll know it all ends very badly for her; the squirrels and Willy Wonka declare her a bad nut.  But if I’m honest I  think we all need to get in touch with our own Veruca! There is nothing wrong with the phrase ‘I want’.  

There is nothing wrong with stating your desires.  And there’s definitely nothing wrong with going unapologetically after them!  

When you start thinking about the life you really want rather than a preconceived idea of what you think you should want, and you pursue your desires and honour what you really want, you become so powerful as a woman.  

At its essence, power comes from getting what you want.  Feeling power internally means choosing how you want to feel and choosing your experiences.  Eventually you become empowered to choose how you want to behave and feel.

External power is about making things happen in the outside world; desiring something and then creating it.  Everyone has power whether they realise it or not! 

Part of being and feeling empowered is being able to make choices that are in alignment with your authentic self.  Being connected to this original part of you really helps when figuring out what you desire. 

Taking time to connect with your authentic self fits in with what I discussed last week; if you realise that you have let your fire go out because you’ve stopped writing, painting, or baking, then be true to yourself and start again!  Giving yourself even ten minutes a day to do what your soul loves is a great start! 

SO LET’S GET INTO THE NITTY-GRITTY!

How do you get into the habit of knowing what you really want I hear you ask?  Get up the voice note on your phone and speak your desires for five minutes straight. 

Any desire is perfectly acceptable; it could be something that’s been calling to your soul for a while, something sexual, a practical desire, or even something that seems wild and frivolous! 

All desires have meaning behind them and because of that, they all hold power.  I know it sounds corny having to speak out loud but it really works!  Hearing your own voice declare what you want is super powerful.  

When completing your recording ask yourself: What do I really want? What do I desire that is in alignment with my authentic self? And go as deep as you can; 

If you get stuck before the five minutes is up, ask yourself again: What do I really want – not what society tells you you should want, not what you think you should want but what do you REALLY WANT? 

If it’s too much for you or you find it off-putting recording yourself speaking then writing down your desires is also just as good.  It also helps you see where you might be able to start taking some action towards one or more of those desires.  

Making this five-minute practice a weekly commitment really helps keep you clear on where you want to head in life. 

It can feel really awkward, to begin with; when I first started this practice I wasn’t completely sure what I wanted so I had to start with the more frivolous, wild desires.  Then I started to hone in on the more specific things that I could start actioning.  

So many things came up for me in the early days of doing this practice; who am I to be making a list of things that I want like a spoiled brat?  

Being spoiled is something that rears its head a lot for me; I was raised as an only child because my half-brother had long flown the nest at 19 years my senior.   

I always had this underlying message that children without siblings are spoiled and behave as such.  

Therefore whenever I even thought about saying ‘this is what I want and I’m going to go after it’ my inner spoiled brat started clapping her hands in delight and jumping up and down.  

The anxious Annie in me however completely panicked and suggested that it might be more amenable to start using the phrase ‘well it would be really nice’  rather than ‘I want’!    

You have to keep continuously empowering the part of you that is in alignment with your authentic self. Over time, we have all unconsciously given away our decision making to another part of ourselves!  

Ask yourself, who is making my decisions right now? Where am I coming from when I make a choice, and where do I want to come from? 

Who do I want to empower me and help make my decisions?  For me, it’s my inner goddess!  

When you carry out your desires exercise, pay close attention to what comes up for you when you start saying what you really want. 

True power can include being able to trust your impulses, being fully present in your body, and knowing who you really are and what you want outside of your own conditioning.  And being able to make choices gives you power!  If you know how to make better choices you start off a chain of events that eventually make those choices, your reality.

True empowerment is about defining your power, truth, and desires and being true to who you are.

The more you get comfortable being in your truth, the easier it becomes to be in your truth in other areas of your life; your relationships and friendships, at work, in your business, and even with yourself.  

I found that I could no longer say something to myself or others that wasn’t essentially true.  I’m not saying I started popping my mouth off at every opportunity and being the unpopular one in the room.  

But I did gently make sure that I used my voice when I needed to in a way that felt tactful but truthful.

SO TIME FOR A LITTLE HOMEWORK!  NOTHING TOO TAXING I PROMISE!

I invite you to think about what it might look like for you to be in your truth.  To always be able to share what you really think or feel rather than censoring or holding yourself back.  To always live your life from that place of truth.

If that sounds too overwhelming then start with being truthful to yourself!  We lie to ourselves more than we realise for a number of different reasons!

Sometimes it’s protection, sometimes it’s denial and sometimes it’s because it’s just easier than admitting the truth.  I lied to myself about so many things; that I was happy in my old relationship, in my old job, with my mediocre life.  

And I have to be truthful to myself and say that I did this because of fear and a lack of confidence.  

You will know deep down the areas of your life where you aren’t being honest with yourself; the body has a way of keeping a score of lies.

So without further ado, this week, I want you to give the desire exercise a try and let me know in the comments how it went!  What did you discover?

Let’s keep moving forward in our journey from shit to lit.

Lu x

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