Lulu Jayne

Ten years ago, the happiness, freedom and inner peace I have today were unthinkable...

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That’s because for such a long time I had felt utterly miserable.

I grew up with an emotionally abusive mother who suffered with chronic depression as a result of her own childhood experiences. As a coping mechanism I learnt to shut down my own voice and be the good girl, constantly walking on eggshells to try not to upset the peace.

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This led to a lifelong struggle with self-image, confidence, anxiety and speaking up for myself. I got into a serious relationship at a very young age as I was so desperate to feel loved and validated.

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Unfortunately I missed all of the early warning signs that I had attracted an emotionally unavailable man who had a problem with alcohol. I stuck around for nine years seeking my own solace in binge drinking and excessive exercise.

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I constantly had anxious thoughts and was obsessed with my appearance.

My confidence was at an all time low and I would blush like a ripe tomato every time I spoke up for myself. I avoided using my voice at all costs and would constantly stress over what people thought about me.

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I had no idea how my life had ended up like this. I was 27 years old, in a job I hated and in a toxic relationship that had been all but over for many years.

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I was completely and utterly suffocated by my own life.

When my father, who was my absolute hero had a health scare, it jolted me into action. Life is so short and precious and as cliché as it sounds, tomorrow isn’t promised. I realised that I couldn’t do another day in my toxic relationship. So I took that big step to leave without really knowing what I was doing. It wasn’t an easy ride and it was just the first stepping stone on my healing journey.

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