Bringing All Of You To The Table

Bringing all of you to the table

Hello you lovely lot

How are you all doing this week?

Did you figure out what the stories are that you keep telling yourself?!

This week instead of talking to you about the things that you say to yourself that may or may not be true, I wanted to talk to you about recognising and welcoming all parts of you!

How often have you heard that in order to heal or make progress you have to drown out or ignore that judgy voice in your head?  It’s simply not true.

Ignoring it or drowning it out is certainly one way of temporarily dealing with it but it won’t help you in the long run!

Instead, you need to allow it to have its say and to have a seat at your table.  

And then politely but firmly explain that you’ve heard what it has to say but you’re going to be listening to the part of you that supports and empowers you. (It’s absolutely fine if you don’t have that part nailed down yet!)

As crazy as it might sound, I actually like to give these parts of me names, as it makes it easier to identify with them!

Example of how this works for me:

Judgey Mcjudgey’s voice when I’m doing my makeup in a particularly bright light – ‘You really need to get your teeth whitened, look at how yellow they are.  Jesus look at your crow’s feet, are you going to get some botox soon?  Your look is so outdated’.

Me – ‘Oh hello!  I thought you’d been quiet for a few days.  Thanks for the advice; I’ll look into that if and when I deem it necessary.  Until then I think I look perfectly presentable and I’ve got things to do so I must get going’.  

Judgey Mcjudgey – mumbles something incoherently.

Me – ‘the Queen has spoken, no further comment necessary thank you!

I mean this is a bit tongue in cheek but these are the sorts of conversations I have with various parts of myself on a daily basis; no exaggeration. 

Some people don’t have too many parts of themselves to consider but i have a lot and I’m no longer ashamed to admit it!

There’s anxious Annie who does exactly what she says on the tin; always worries about anything and everything and likes to second-guess me.  Hates anything new or potentially scary.

There’s my inner Veruca Salt, aka my spoilt brat.  Loves to get her own way all of the time and enjoys a good strop if she doesn’t get it.  Favourite phrases include ‘I want’ and ‘that’s so unfair’.

There’s frustrated Felicia who thinks that I should have been a famous star and is baffled as to why I’m not being fanned and fed grapes on the daily.

Judgey Mcjudgey – is basically pretty mean most of the time but believes in her own way that she is protecting me.

And then there are my darker, more shadowy pieces; the inner slut, the flirtatious cheat, the entitled bitch, the possessive and controlling princess.

All of these parts of me are a part of me for a reason.  It would be counterintuitive for me to try and drive them out.  

I’m more than happy for them to join me at the table and tell me their thoughts but I just don’t want them to be the ones making the decisions and running my life!

I save that for the most supportive and empowering pieces of myself that I have taken the time to develop over the years.  

And do you know what?  Sometimes I indulge certain parts of myself because in the past they were a lot of fun!  

Frustrated Felicia and my inner Veruca are a hilarious combination and love getting together.  

Entertaining them helps me to remember that I’m actually not a spoilt brat, nor am I a failed star.  I can be bratty and also polite and agreeable.  

I can seek to be the centre of attention but also remain humble.  I can be all of those things; I don’t have to always choose to be one.  

The moment I allow myself duality, I get to work with these parts of me instead of against them.  It saves me the energy in the long run!

I also don’t have to make any life-changing decisions from this energy; I still get to choose which part of me I pull this from!  

I wasted a lot of time over the years trying to squash the various parts of me as they didn’t feel like they were being helpful.  

I had most definitely gotten to the point where my Judgey Mcjudgey voice was incredibly loud and I listened to it an awful lot of the time.  

My self-confidence is still something that I struggle with and an area that I have to work so hard on.  

I still have that real tendency to speak badly about myself and be critical and it’s always that judgey voice that initiates that thought pattern.  

But I indulge her much less now than I used to and I try to let her have her rant and then say thanks but no thanks and move on. 

The judgey voice is often a big one for women because of the amount of social conditining we are subject to every day; I was a teenager in the 90s when it was utterly rife.  

Pictures of celebrities on the front cover of magazines airbrushed beyond recognition.  Articles pitting women against each other; ‘look at so and so who has cellulite and stretch marks, she should look like this woman who doesn’t’.  

‘Look who’s gotten really fat.  Look at who is so skinny’.

Pregnant celebrities judged for eating and for being bigger than their usual starlet size.  Close-ups of blemishes, spots, and bad hair days all with scathing remarks.  

If a female celebrity or figure was ever caught looking anything less than perfect or anything less than what was deemed beautiful in that decade, she would get publicly ripped to shreds.  

Being a female teenager in that era was really tough and eating disorders were so common.  

Being stick thin was not something that my body was ever designed to be but I got the message from the media that this was something it was supposed to be.  

Queue judgey mcjudgey voice stepping into the limelight and she has never left since!  

Even though I have moved on and have no desire to be heroin chic thin, she is highly adaptable and will move with the latest trends making various suggestions of how she thinks I should look.  

When we meet all of the parts of us with a whole lot of love, even our loudest, most judgemental voices, we see that our highest self also accepts and welcomes all of these parts of us. 

This is because it takes effort and energy to ignore and/or try to control these parts of us! 

The primal brain decides that its full time job is to steer you away from experiencing these difficulties and emotions! 

When you have acceptance and love for all of the parts of you, you set free so much energy.  

Even our darker parts of us are part of  our reality, rather than something that we need to get ignore or get rid of. Some of our darkest parts can be our biggest teachers. 

When we chose to remove ourselves from challenging experiences, our brains become programmed to automatically avoid those in the future. 

When we accept and sit with those experiences, we create new neural pathways which then makes it easier in the future to handle those things. 

The less connected we are to ourselves, the harder it is to make choices that line up with what we really want. 

When we accept and hold all of the different parts of ourselves, we enable ourselves to make better choices, which will helps us to thrive rather than just survive!

If you were to set up a big round table, what parts of you do you imagine would be sitting around it?  Let me know in the comments!

I’m off to argue with Frustrated Felicia, until next time, much love

Lu x

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